Special Features at the New NHL Headquarters in New York

The NHL is moving into a new headquarters in New York City.

Frederic M. Strauss of TPG Architecture of New York, helped design the new NHL offices in Manhattan

The NY Times reported:
A Frosty Headquarters for the N.H.L. -- Locking out the players and canceling the 2004-5 season gave executives of the National Hockey League plenty of time to think about the league’s image. By the time the dispute was resolved in July 2005, the league had decided to make a fresh start in new headquarters, where it could embrace the digital age with a panache that 18- to 34-year-old fans expect, according to Gary Bettman, the league commissioner.

Three years later, the N.H.L.’s new space is near completion: 133,000 square feet at 1185 Avenue of the Americas in Midtown Manhattan. The interior is a montage of materials and wintry colors that reflect the game of hockey, including the stainless steel of skate blades and the white of ice, said Frederic M. Strauss, principal in TPG Architecture of New York, the designers of the new offices...

Interior decor of NHL offices
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However, here are some special features of the new NHL headquarters that the NY Times reporter did not get to see:

Sid Crosby Lap Pool and Diving Tank -- Commissioner Bettman and the NHL are determined to promote the new young superstars of the NHL. That policy starts at the HQ with various homages to the games current and past greats.

During the off-season Sid Crosby comes in and gives NHL staffers and their family members a weekend clinic on the art of diving. This year after his clinic Sid will be flying to Beijing where he will be doing guest commentary during the 3 meter and 10 meter events.

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The Alexander Ovechkin Russian Tea Room and Tattoo Salon -- Given the influx of Russians into the NHL and also the competitive threat from the new Russian KHL 'Super League' more wheeling and dealing will need to be done with the Russians. Making them feel at home during their visits to HQ is the goal of this luxurious area just off the executive dining room. The room was recently repainted from red to a softer Putin purple, but staffers still affectionately call it 'Red Ink.'

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Marty Brodeur Wailing Wall -- Made from the broken hockey sticks of players that Marty Brodeur slashed when they came near his crease. Given the intense 24/7 pressure cooker environment that NHL staffers are subjected to at the new headquarters, it was thought wise to have a special quiet place where they could go and have a good cry when they needed one. The NHL's preeminent cry baby was a natural inspiration for this innovative new space; because the NHL headquarters is a people place.

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NHL Executive Washroom has high-tech Gary Bettman Bidets with enema feature -- In an effort to show that the NHL is eco-friendly and going green Gary Bettman personally worked with a sanitary engineer to design a special European style high-tech NHL branded bidet.

This limited edition NHL bidet sports features such as jets of heated air, remote controls and various water massage settings. Bidets are more hygienic than using toilet paper, and they can pay for themselves by eliminating the need to purchase the paper. Instead, bidets use jets of water and heated air to clean and dry your posterior. There are many hygiene benefits related to keeping everything cleaner and fresher down there.

The NHL bidet also features a patented enema simulation function which prompts the bowels to release completely and effortlessly. This revolutionary feature is the instant answer to constipation and provides the benefits of an enema without the discomfort. The warm water jet gently massages and cleans the colon for a release never before seen in the industry.

Advanced Carbon based technology automatic deodorizer traps unpleasant odors and ensures a pleasant bathroom experience. Deodorizer lasts up to seven years

This NHL licensed product is manufactured by Izen and is available from Amazon. Just remember to order the Bidet by Bettman.

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The NHL Executive Washroom also sports custom James Dolan Urinals -- Again NHL Commissioner Bettman took time out of his busy schedule and radio show to work with a genius urinal sculptor to create this timeless work of art. It is both beautiful and useful at the same time. Commissioner Bettman swears that his feud with James Dolan had nothing to do with the commissioning of this art work. In fact, all the owners will eventually have their own custom urinal design in the HQ.

To Rangers fans, who might be wondering if this art work will be made available to the general public: the NHL is currently in talks regarding a limited edition version in conjunction with the Franklin Mint.

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The Lord Stanley Licking Lounge and Cappuccino Bar -- Everyone who gets invited up to the 15th floor of the new NHL headquarters is also given an opportunity to see and get cozy with Lord Stanley's cup in an intimate setting. Alcohol swabs and chap sticks are freely provided.

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The Commissioner's Panic Room Box -- Or "safe place" which makes it seem a little less dramatic. The origin of such a thing goes back much further than any Jodie Foster movie. Medieval feudal lords, for example, used safe rooms as protection from siege.

The diminutive Commissioner Bettman needed a place to be safe from any possible attack by terrorists, team owners, or disgruntled fans. Staffers simply refer to it as the Bettman spider hole.

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The St. Wayne Gretzky Chapel -- Spiritual place for reflection and introspection — interdenominational.

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Back-up War Room -- NHL fans know that the primary NHL war room is in Toronto. The NHL war room is the high-tech nerve center where the video replay of goals is reviewed in order to insure the accuracy of the calls. The back-up facility in New York provides the added layer of redundancy that an international organization like the NHL must provide its fans, in order to protect the integrity of the game.

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The former NBA Star Shoe Shine Stand -- The NHL has always played second fiddle to the NBA in terms of winter sports popularity. In an effort to spur the NHL staffers to kick some NBA butt Gary Bettman has hired a former NBA star, who is currently on a work release program, to work at a shoe shine stand just off their main lobby.

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Just hope that some day you are lucky enough to work at the NHL headquarters and savor all this luxury.

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