Friday, April 01, 2011

Runaway coach and riding the twenty-mule team

All the writers and media people should boycott Coach Disagreeable's next postgame press conference. If Torts is going to play his "I-can't-talk-because-I'm-a-powder-keg" card after a poor game and disappear, the writers should play the "you-are-a-total-dirt-bag" card and also disappear from the postgame presser.

John F. Kennedy said, "Victory has a thousand fathers, but defeat is an orphan." Torts is like a runaway miscreant father after a bad loss. He wants nothing to do with the ugly little creature that crawls out from under his cabbage leaf. He certainly doesn't know that big red headed bastard that showed up at the Coliseum last night. That 6-2 loss belongs to some other fool.

When Coach Disaggreeable runs out of players to throw under the bus, he gets on the bus and drives away. What is the opposite of a stand-up guy? An unprofessional Torts, who runs away and hides. His act has gotten old and his brand of hockey has gone from fire wagon hockey to a slow plodding twenty-mule team.

Speaking of beating the poor animals who haul the load. Whipping a rented mule matches the new fun of watching the Rangers soak up slap shots with their bodies. Dan Girardi is our lead mule. He leads the NHL by a wide margin in shot blocking with 221, next best is 197. For reference, last year Dennis Seidenberg lead the league with a measly 215 for the season.

That's what Torts loves all right; twenty blueshirted mules all slowly pulling this Rangers organization into the playoffs. Any and all thoroughbreds and fast quarter horses will also need to be hobbled and hitched to the mule team. You can't let anyone get out of step.


Tortorella postgame non-remarks.

The Hockey Rodent ran a very slick April Fools trick. Not many will take the trouble of setting-up their trickery the day before. Yesterday the Hockey Rodent wrote:
Received a very strange note from Uncle Sam yesterday. Apparently this web site raised a red flag with the Feds. Should make for an interesting Thursday as I contact the "compliance officer" assigned to the case to learn what's wrong.
Today, the first thing you see when you visit the Rodent's website is this notice:

At first, you wonder what did the "furry arboreal creature" do to get the Feds riled up? But then a browser refresh clears Homeland Security away and gives you the Rodent. Well played little fur ball.
April 2nd update:
Today the Hockey Rodent's messing with his website and URL for his April Fools' prank seems to have backfired. His website is now completely down. Sometimes you can be too clever little fur ball:

2nd update, The Hockey Rodent promptly tweeted back to us:
I'm getting spurious reports of an outage. Yet the console shows plenty of visitors. Dunno what's up. May be an ISP thing.

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